Final week, Apple introduced its monetary outcomes for the primary calendar quarter of the yr and if you happen to had learn a number of the punditry within the days earlier than the announcement you might be eligible to affix a category motion go well with for a case of whiplash.
Some individuals, you see, can discover a cow patty in a pile of unicorn ponies, irrespective of how small a patty it’s.
“Apple iPhone: Giant Surprising Slowdown In China.”
…what I’m going to report subsequent is actually a big draw back shock in gross sales.
[shines flashlight under chin]
What follows, nevertheless, are numbers indicating iPhone gross sales have been up 155 p.c year-over-year in January (not a typo!), up 320 p.c in February (nonetheless not a typo!) after which down 10 p.c in March (and likewise not a typo). The article sagely tells us to “deal with March”. Nnnkay.
Takeaway: very troubling certainly.
For its half, Apple says there’ll probably be a decline from the March quarter to the June quarter, mainly as a result of the March quarter was so wonderful, but it surely nonetheless expects “income to develop sturdy double digits yr over yr” subsequent quarter. So, you would possibly maintain off on burning these AAPL inventory certificates, at the least for just a bit whereas longer.
The creator of that piece spent the subsequent couple of days indignantly asking individuals within the feedback in the event that they learn the article or simply the headline. Presumably as a result of writing salacious nonsense within the headline is okay so long as you don’t again it up within the article.
One other piece mentioned, “[Facebook, Amazon, Apple, Netflix and Google] and techs wanting very weak, says SocGen’s Edwards.”
Look, if you happen to don’t jam these destructive items in proper earlier than earnings come out, when are you going to jam them in? After? That’s absurd. Nobody would learn them then!
A 3rd advised us, “Why Apple Might Lay An Egg”
The one egg Apple laid was of the golden selection, notching a report second quarter.
As if foreshadowing poor outcomes that by no means materialized wasn’t unhealthy sufficient, it seems that pundits are additionally again on their “manufacturing cuts” B.S. (baloney sandwiches). Not less than they’ve switched it up a bit and it’s not about iPhones this time.
“Apple reportedly cuts AirPods manufacturing as competitors weakens gross sales.”
This report comes from Nikkei. Nikkei, you might bear in mind, is the outfit that advised us how nobody appreciated the iPhone X as a result of Apple was slicing manufacturing after which advised us how nobody appreciated the iPhone XR as a result of Apple was slicing manufacturing. After which it turned out individuals really did like these telephones fairly a bit. Nonetheless, you must one hundred pc consider them this time as a result of learnin’ issues is for these huge metropolis sorts and also you’re too sensible to fall for that!
It actually should be due to “elevated aggressive strain” and by no means as a result of the corporate is broadly anticipated to launch new AirPods someday quickly. Regardless of the case, Apple’s wearables income was solely up, uh, 25 p.c final quarter so it’s in all probability going to cease making wearables you’d think about.
Apple actually faces some challenges (simply this week the trial with Epic over the App Retailer has begun). It all the time has. Sometime it should probably fall from its lofty place however within the phrases of Batman in all these Harry Potter motion pictures, it’s not today.
The Macalope might not have that reference proper.
Along with being a legendary beast, the Macalope just isn’t an worker of Macworld. Because of this, the Macalope is all the time free to criticize any media group. Even ours.